Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
