Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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