I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
