He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
