You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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