Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize