Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
