I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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