Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
