haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
