someone threw a dead crab at me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize