I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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