We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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