he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Alive.
So much puke
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
