im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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