I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
