I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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