I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
