Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

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(985): View more from Louisiana

If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself

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(214): View more from Texas

I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.

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(660): View more from Missouri

It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing

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(719): View more from Colorado

Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?

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