I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
