oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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