We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize