This is not my ceiling
I need help removing her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
