why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's shark week go big or go home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
