woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
nutella sex= disaster
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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