so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
