WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
