u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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