i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
