I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
