this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
