That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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