My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
