New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize