So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
