Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
