Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
