you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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