Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
