I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ttyl tear gas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize