Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize