But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
