Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
