She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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