I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
