just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
