Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bring me that man meat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
