...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
