i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
