Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
