looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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