At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
