can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
