too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
why do cheetos always look like penises
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
