U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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