in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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