Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
