Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize