Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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