I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
