My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
