it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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