So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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