I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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