i don't like sucking hair
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize