I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
