Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
