She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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