She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
