You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
