fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
