youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
