It was confusing and full of hummus
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
