let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There r osticjed everywhere
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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