Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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