apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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